I had a friend in college who accidentally turned his penis into a baseball bat
He was very insecure about his penis size. He told us it wasn’t even that small, “5 inches” but a girl had once traumatized him by laughing at it and refusing to have sex with him
He started penis training diligently
I didn’t know this was a thing, but he assured me it was, then linked a ton of scientific papers showing results from penile traction and hanging of 1-2 inches. As well as forum before and after threads with multi-year penis training routines involving hanging, traction, jelqing and pumping, with accompanying pictures proving success
Throughout the semester, we all asked him how it was going. In month 1 he was despondent and said he thought he’d been deceived, but he decided to give it 3 months. Month 2, he said it was “maybe” working. Then month 3, he told us with joy it was for sure working and he was up 0.4 inches
He said determinedly that he was going to stick with it for 2 years and see how far he could go. We were all mildly amused by this, and urged him not to break his dick. It didn’t get mentioned much but once in a while someone would ask him how it was going and he’d say “it’s working, it’s really working”
About 18 months later, in our 3rd of college we were all sitting round drinking before a night out. He said “I have something important to say”. We all went silent. Then he declared that on last measurement he’d achieved a 7 inch penis and was stopping there. We all raised our drinks to his efforts and were sort of amused that it was even possible, and that he’d been obsessed (or insecure) enough to stick to it
We said he should probably stop soon before he impales women, and he agreed
Later that night, he got extremely drunk and started speaking to me at the bar 1 on 1. “You know this dick thing”
I was like “yeah…”
“It’s not all good. It got much longer yes, but I think I f*cked up my dick. It looks like a baseball bat”
He described that while it had gotten 2 inches longer, something about the way he had trained with jelqing (pushing blood into the penis with repeated O shaped strokes with your finger/thumb, look it up) had the effect of forcing blood into the upper portion of the penis, which in turn had, over time, “cemented” his penis into a shape mimicing the action of the blood. Very skinny at the base, and expanding outward in diameter, towards a significantly wider upper third
He then told me that he had a one night stand a few nights prior, and the girl had fished his penis out to give him a blow job, then started laughing out loud. He said she said “there’s no way that’s going to fit in my mouth, it’s like a f*cking baseball bat”
For 2 days, he’d been in an extreme funk of depression and told me he was researching how to somehow shrink the upper third with increasingly smaller plastic cylinders, on the same logic as skull reshaping and bonsai trees. I told him it sounds like it might work
We graduated soon after and we fell out of touch, but I still think of this story often
