Our developer complained that the office coffee was 'sludge.' I agreed. Our people deserve the best. So I purchased a $12,000 Italian espresso machine. It grinds fresh beans for every cup. It creates perfect micro-foam. It is a work of art. To use it, employees simply scan their badge. What they don't know is that the machine is networked to our Jira instance. The caffeine content of the beverage is algorithmically determined by their code quality from the previous day. Did you merge a clean PR? You get a double-shot of premium dark roast. Did you break the build? The machine dispenses warm, brown water with a hint of decaf chicory. One developer hasn't slept in 72 hours because his velocity is so high. He is vibrating and gyrating at his desk. But we are shipping two weeks early. Always make your workplace an energetic place.